Well, during this past summer, we were running together while the boys played on the playground at the nearest elementary school. During this run, I proposed that maybe Liam would enjoy going to public school. I had wanted to give the charter schools in SAISD a try, since upon seeing the kids at the zoo, they were amazingly well behaved! We discussed the open enrollment of that district and he may or may not get in...blah blah blah. So I began to consider maybe giving my old school a try. I automatically assumed that they would provide the necessary structure that Liam so needed.
Several weeks later, we completed his enrollment. Two weeks after (two days before open house night) we received notice that Liam's teacher would be out on maternity leave and he had a long term substitute instead. The first red flag for me. What the heck is going to happen when they must make this transition to this new teacher just a few weeks into the school year? Liam was excited about school. He asked daily when he was going! I, on the otherhand, was terrified about him going. I cried to Mark one night about feeli if I hadn't gotten to spend enough time with him yet!! Everyday for 6 years was NOT enough! He and everyone else softened it for me and Liam's excitement was enough to just make those feelings go away.
Open house night came. We all went together. I was slightly prepared to explain to Liam's teacher/sub about SPD and his sensitivities. But how the hell do you prepare enough for explaining such a complex disorder?! I briefly explained his issues and said that I would meet with him the following week. The afternoon before he was to begin school, I made a sheet with a letter written as if Liam wrote it, with a visual chart on the other side. I made enough to give to all teachers that Liam would come into contact with. The following morning, we all gathered up and went to the school to drop Liam off and to visit briefly with each teacher. Each seems genuinely excited to know more about the student and to meet Liam. I was terribly worried about how he would handle music class and lunch and gym.
We went to school to pick him up that afternoon. He was slightly agitated, so we went to the mall for a little walking around with Mark and to look for shoes. The following day, the afterschool meltdowns began. He was angry and aggressive with me and Aedan. Then he would crash for the entire evening. He wasn't able to get the sensory diet that he needed, at school. We had his ARD/IEP meeting the following week to address his speech services. At that meeting I was able to explain to the principal and the other teacher (nextdoor teacher) about Liam's SPD issues. They seemed very understanding and encouraged me to come up with solutions to help him in class. The week following that, Liam began to act up a bit in class. We explained to him that he was not allowed to misbehave in the class. That week, I received a call from the school nurse stating that it looked as if Liam was stabbed by a pencil and all she was able to understand from him was something about two other kids and the pencil stuck him. I was furious and totally ready to pull him out then and there. They were'nt keeping Liam safe and they weren't stopping fights that he was getting into until the fights were full on fights. I went up to the school that afternoon. The teacher said that he hadn't seen any of what happened, but it seemed like it was an accident. Liam didn't seem to be phased by it. The teacher/sub also listed out a few kids that Liam needed to avoid, as they were difficult kids. And that he had three fights that day. I didn't understand WHY no one called me!!
So over the next couple of weeks, we kept Liam from school for a couple of days off and on to see if he just needed some time to chill out. The fights and meltdowns continued and got worse. The final straw/day for me was when Liam was fighting with his teacher over his backpack when they were coming out of the school. We waited for the teacher and had a discussion with him and the next door teacher. I told them that Liam needs much less chaos. He is shutting down because he can't handle all of the craziness of the current kindergarten class. We visited the very nice principal and he allowed for Liam to stay in the other teacher's classroom, while remaining on the other teacher's role.
He would begin the following day.
That would also be the day that Mark and I would attend school time with him, observing the class and Liam.
I arrived with Liam to the new room and he joined the class very easily. I also got to observe the former classroom. The teacher was annoyed, sharp, snippy, uninvolved with the kids. He gave the most boring assignments and did not correct anyone until they were already out of hand. Truely, kindergarten is no place for a straight, non-nurturing, male teacher. Those little ones need a firm, grandma teacher! I totally understood why Liam would not do well in that classroom. This new classroom was slightly more structured, but as I learned from watching all kindergarten classrooms, it really is just a publically accessed daycare. Parents need to go to work, want to save some money, so they just enroll their kids in public school.
Anyway, I observed a very tall 6 year old, Liam, isolate himself from all of the other kids, be completely defensive. I knew in my heart that it wasn't going to work out for him. There was far too much moving from center to center, too much noise, and the boy who was very threatening to Liam, who fought with Liam daily, was continuing to be threatening, only now it was through the doorway. Liam expressed to me that was the boy who he "hated". The other teacher took WAY too long to stop this child from staring daggers at Liam. Mark characterized him as a small future drug dealer! And he was right. That kid needed a slap in the face. Liam told us later that he always hit and kicked him because he didn't listen! This kid was creating chaos in the class and Liam was trying to settle it all back down again. Poor guy. I guess we need to work on social skills a bit more.
After my half of the day, observing, Mark went. He called a few hours in and said that Liam was melting down and they forgot to allow him to go to the other class for music, so he could be with his familiar teacher. He got into another fight and pushed a little girl this time. I told him that was enough, he needed to bring him home. He agreed. After he came home with Liam, he told me how all of the teachers and administrators were trying to come up with ideas and solutions for him. And we both agreed that was not what needed to happen. Nothing there could be as consistent as Liam needed them to be. They also brought up the "A" word. They wanted desperately to have Liam diagnosed as Autistic. I "re-explained" to Mark that he really didn't have all of the symptoms/characteristics listed in the DSV-IV for Autism. We both really feel that the school wanted to do this for funding purposes. They wanted to get the funding to make all of the special accomodation for Liam and since Liam's diagnosis is not in the DSM, nor recognized as a disorder yet, they would not get funding for that. But they could with Autism. No one actually said that and even in the ARD meeting about his speech services, again, they brought in the school psychologist (who rubbed me wayyyy the wrong way) and tried to convince me to let them do the extensive testing for him. We withdrew Liam the day after the final meltdown.
I firmly stated to everyone that it was a good try, but Liam needs the one on one that I can provide. And who better to be his teacher, than his super-intelligent mother?!
So here we are...back to homeschooling. And he is fortunately able to receive speech services through the district, for free! Things are working out and Liam is going to do just fine!
I really need to remember that as a mother, I must listen to my feelings...listen to my heart, when it comes to my kids. My heart is always right.
